A year ago on this very day, I was alone in my room early in the morning, crying secretly.
And a year after on the very same day, I cried in the car while driving to college in the morning.

It has been a year according to the Chinese calendar. 

You were in my mind since I woke up today. Sorry that I couldn't stay at home today for the praying session cause I had to attend college. But at least I did come home for dinner on time. It's kind of hard to describe my feelings now. I'm actually trying to recall all the memories with you. And I realized that I actually missed you a lot, honestly. 


I'm the closest to you. Probably because I'm the only girl in the family. We used to go to the coffee shop for early breakfast everyday. We used to go to the park to jog every evening. I'd always like to sit beside you whenever you play mahjong with friends. We'd always like to go to the restaurant at lake garden and you'd always order my favorite Fish n' Chips. Our first dog, Coppy, we used to bathe him together. You used to buy lots of earrings and bracelets for me cause you knew I like wearing them. On my 14th birthday, we both held a birthday party together cause our birthday are close. It was one very grand party. And then we shifted. You became older and couldn't really walk. That time we had to send Rocky to another relative's house cause we got no where to keep him. And yea, you knew I love Rocky a lot. You'd always send me to visit Rocky every Sunday morning although you couldn't really drive anymore. And then we shifted again to this current house. You couldn't walk anymore and had to depend on wheel chair. But what I really feel grateful was, you came for my ballet concert. You were so happy that I could perform. You made it to the concert and watched me dancing on the stage although you had walking difficulties. I could still remember, I saw you clapping and cheering for me when I was dancing. I did study hard for SPM cause I didn't want to disappoint you. But then your behavior changed as you grew older. Honestly, I couldn't really stand it because I find it annoying. Hardly talk to you also cause you couldn't speak well anymore. I could remember what you said that night. "I'm going to another world already". And you left us on the very next day. You left me 2 weeks before my birthday.


I cried so hard during the 3 days of funeral. I cried each and everytime I looked at you lying in the coffin. There was one night, I couldn't sleep. I went and sat beside your coffin. I talked to you. I talked a lot. You got no response. I know. I know you've left us. You've gone to another world. I regretted. I regretted not treating you good when your behavior changed. I should have just tolerate you even though you're hot tempered. You left before my SPM results released. Something that I wanted to tell you, I got 8A's. Hope I didn't disappoint you. You wanted to buy me a car when I first got my license. And I didn't want it cause I didn't want you to spend money buying car for me. And now, I'm driving your car, your orange Vios. That's why I love that car so much. That's why I didn't want to change a new car although that car got knocked and scratched. And that's why, I cried in that car this morning. "I'll definitely attend your wedding cause I know my granddaughter is the prettiest." You told me. And I actually believed it. I believed that you'll be there for me on my wedding day. But, I didn't know that everything changed so fast. You're not here anymore.

I believe you are in somewhere protecting me, protecting the whole family. 

I'm doing very fine here, grandpa. I've entered college and already in my 3rd sem now. 4 more months till degree, hopefully. I'll study really really hard and I'll make you feel proud of me. I'll be a good girl and take good care of dad and mum. The brothers will also take care of me. Don't worry bout me, I've already grown up and I've become stronger. I am sure that you can see. 

"Your smile is so beautiful". 

Yes, I'll smile everyday. I'll smile no matter what. How are you doing over there, grandpa? :)